8 Things I Wish I Knew about REDs Recovery
by guest writer, Georgia Hamblett
I’ve been there opening the fridge, then shutting it again. Opening it again and taking one grape from the punnet, putting it back, then picking it up again and holding it to my lips. It might just be a grape, but to me it represented a lack of control and dedication.
And I’ve been here, too, opening the fridge and eating as much as I can, eating all the foods I’ve denied myself for years and then sitting on the sofa, staring at the calendar, wondering when things will get better and when I’ll be able to do sport again.
I struggled with REDs for almost eight years, and it’s only now, one year post-recovery, that I can truly see how much it was taking away from me."
I existed with REDs, but it felt like that, just existing. In the depths of my experience, I found it hard to see how much my life would improve without controlling food, and even harder to push myself into recovery. It was so uncomfortable but the reward was so worth it.
These are eight things I wish I knew about REDs recovery.
1. Once you’re physically recovered, the mental side becomes easier.
The Minnesota starvation experiment looked at previously healthy soldiers who were put on a calorie deficit, and how they began to struggle with symptoms we associate with eating disorders – obsession, rigidity, guilt, compulsive exercise – due to their bodies going into ‘starvation mode’ after calorie restriction.
In the depths of my disorder, I couldn’t imagine eating certain foods, taking rest days or eating what I fancied without immense guilt. As I began to fuel better and slowly bring my body out of my energy deficiency, these things no longer daunted me as much. You've just got to trust this will be the case, and start eating more before you feel ‘ready.’ It then becomes easier (though still not easy).
2. You might not gain weight indefinitely (if at all).
We all have a ‘set point’, based on our genetics, where our body weight should sit and our brains use hunger and metabolism to keep us in this range. In a calorie deficit, our metabolism slows to use less energy, and in a calorie surplus, our metabolism increases to keep us within this range.
When you start to fuel better, a lot of the additional energy will be used to restart systems that have been shut down, and your metabolism will adjust.
I gained some weight during REDs recovery, but my increase in calories far exceeded the weight gain I would’ve expected.
3. Listen to your body.
Whilst struggling with REDs, I’d rarely deviate from a predetermined plan and I would rarely feel hungry. When I started to eat more, and then more intuitively, I couldn’t believe how much hungrier I felt. The systems which had been shut down, like my hunger cues, were turning on again. I learnt to listen to my body’s demands and needs. The same applies to exercise and rest.
Work, poor sleep, and a struggling immune system can all affect our hunger and energy levels. In REDs recovery, we’ve got to be accepting of this and honour what our body is asking for.
4. Everyone is different - focus on yourself.
Social media is littered with ‘what I eat in a day’ reels, ‘day in a life’ videos and ‘advice’ on what we should and shouldn’t be eating. Yet everyone is completely different, we all have different nutritional needs and respond well to different volumes of training.
I shifted my perspective to just concentrating on myself, unfollowing unhelpful accounts, minimising time on my phone and ignoring stuff I would see out and about. In the real world, and I found this harder, I tried to focus on what I was doing, remembering I’m fueling my needs, and what others do is irrelevant to me.
Follow others, especially those online, with caution. We often only see people’s ‘good’ days, and have no idea how healthy or happy they really are, and what might be right for them, may not work for us.
5. There’s no set prescription, but it will probably take more than you think.
At the start of recovery, I thought an extra snack bar a day would solve all my problems. It did not. It took a several thousand calorie increase in my daily intake, alongside a decrease in training and prioritisation of rest and recovery, for my body to physically recover. I had to do this for several months before I noticed improvements.
It will be different for everyone, but I think there are more people with a story similar to mine.
I had to abandon all guidance as to what I ‘should’ be eating and focus on giving my body the fuel it needed to get going again. For me this meant not focussing on specific athlete guidance but focusing on my own personal nutritional needs.
Before I make this next point, it’s worth saying I don’t recommend counting calories, especially if you have a history of disordered eating, but I found having a rough figure helpful to make sure I actually was increasing my food. Based on my training and typical estimates for a female my size, it was estimated I’d need to be consuming around 3500 calories a day to get my period back. I actually ended up needing around 5000 a day, so quite a way off what had been assumed. It was crucial I was monitoring how I was feeling, being honest with myself and open to being flexible to truly do what was right for me.
Don’t underestimate or dwell upon how much energy recovery requires.
6. You may not be aware of all your symptoms.
Symptoms such as missing periods and stress fractures are well-known and easy to spot but there may also be others you might not notice. I had severe IBS, hair loss and low mood, which I didn't, at first, link to my underfuelling. These hugely improved as I recovered.
7. Celebrate the little wins.
It can be really demoralising when you’re trying really hard to make changes and improve your health, but nothing feels like it’s getting better.
Recovery does take time so it’s important to be patient, but also honest with yourself about how much you are dedicating to your recovery.
I kept track of my progress which helped with my motivation and showed me that I was on the right lines.
I noticed when my mood and my physical symptoms, such as hair loss, feeling cold and feeling completely out of energy, improved and made note of these. Before I regained my period, for several months beforehand I had other hormonal symptoms such as mood swings fitting with a hormonal cycle, discharge and tenderness in my chest. These sorts of things are really positive signs you’re heading in the right direction.
Focusing and celebrating the positive steps I was taking was really helpful, rather than narrowing in on time or body changes.
8. Find your reason why.
For years, the idea of recovery loitered at the back of my mind. I knew I should dive in, but deep down, I didn’t value recovery enough to challenge my disordered thoughts.
Then I met my boyfriend, and I wanted to have the energy to fully enjoy time with him, and one day start a family. I started work, and wanted the energy to pursue my career goals. I found more positive role models in sport, and began to value longevity, enjoyment and accomplishment more than satisfying compulsive behaviours. I found my why, my reason to embrace recovery and keep going in the tough moments.
I think it’s important for this ‘why’ to extend beyond sport.
Post-recovery, I’ve achieved my best results as an athlete - national and international Age-Group triathlon and aquabike golds. However, the biggest reward is, and always will be, not feeling controlled by my compulsions, appreciating my body, and having energy to enjoy new experiences and time with loved ones.