When the Right Track is Wrong
By Project REDs Ambassador Emilie Noyer
One moment I was winning national and international races, setting personal bests in training, and achieving the highest scores in every performance test, and the next the head doctor of my sporting federation informed me that I was being suspended from both competition and training.
The reason? I ignored the warning signs my body had been sending me about my health.
Life turned upside down, I was forced to put my athlete career on hold, and accept some hard truths. I thought I was at my highest, when I was actually at my lowest, and I had developed REDs.
When I was 12, I started triathlon as an extracurricular activity. I was going to practice with my sister, made some friends there, and it grew to become a part of my identity. Soon, everything became shaped around triathlon, my school schedule was built around my practice, weekends were not made for hanging out with friends anymore, but for race, and sleeping and eating the right things became priorities.
Eventually, I became national champion in triathlon, cross country and won a medal at the Youth Olympic Games, alongside other European titles.
The future was planned, I was on my way to the Olympic dream, and I couldn’t think of another life. Everything seemed to be on track, but nothing really was.
In 2017 I got my first stress fracture, and looking back, this was the first sign of REDs. I was 16 years old and warming up for the qualifiers for the national cross country championships I could feel my body was about to break. I was on the brink of tears but DNS wasn’t an option. I ran the whole race in pain and qualified for a race I knew I could not participate in. I couldn’t put any weight on my foot, it was swollen, blue and broken.
Following this, I recovered so well that I arrived at the National Triathlon Championships in 2018 feeling fresh and ready to compete, and won my first ever National title. The same year, I won my first European medals, and a Youth Olympic medal.
What looked like a peak in my performance, was in fact a descent into hell. I finished the season completely wiped out, I lost my period, I was struggling with an eating disorder, and my bone mineral density was very low.
At the end of the year, I did the National performance tests at INSEP and some medical tests at the same time. My performance results were good, my medical ones the opposite.
One Sunday lunch at my parent’s house, I received the call from the doctor. I was suspended from racing and training until I got back on my feet.
I couldn't bear to lose what I believed, at the time, defined my entire identity. I did everything I could to get back to health. I was told I couldn’t waste my potential, so I tried again, and again, and again, until I just couldn’t try anymore.
It took me almost 6 years to switch careers, and finally start exploring art, the thing that always made me feel something deep inside.
I found a way to heal, through creating things, and I found another purpose that makes me want to wake up in the morning. I found a way to feel fulfilled which didn’t break me, but nourished my soul.
It’s made me realise that life is not at all about one thing only, but about finding the balance in between all those things. I still run, because I love it, but I also do other things too. I’ve learned to take care of my body, to love the little things, and to set expectations for my daily activities which don’t push my body to the brink.
Through art, I see a way of connecting, healing, remembering, and living again. It has changed me in ways I could have never imagined, because in the end you decide the version of yourself you want to be and this is not dictated by numbers, results or comparison, but through self exploration.